So this week brings yet more medical uncertainty in the form of indeterminate high vaginal swab results... Sent off for private culture and have come back with flora which can bring problems, but don't always, and bringing me so much anxiety into the process. Last night I was on the computer all evening, after settling the kids, reading and reading and panicking... Tonight I have only distracted myself through watching really , really depressing TV, about a serial killing widower and then the global spread of incurable TB. Puts everything into perspective ???!
There is certainly abnormality and there are certainly signs of bugs which shouldn't be there but they can't identify which bugs or tell me with any degree of assurance whether or not this is all linked to my IC (it's probably a red herring, says my GP, but I chase these results like a blood hound because anything at all which might be treatable and might be connected is surely worth chasing!).
I am just so tired of being my own doctor, my own advocate.
I am having the swabs repeated, at my GP surgery and again privately, and then all the results will be compared by whichever doctor I have the most faith in at the time, and we will then see what we all think. In the meantime, I just have to sit with it. Not something I am very good at!
It's ok when I keep it in the hour, in the minute, and just focus on the children, or the housework, or resting, or reading, or writing, or whatever I am doing right now.... but when my mind starts to wander, I've had it.
And of course it is reasonable to be anxious, after this length of chronic illness. The problem is that the anxiety is becoming a real problem in itself.
About Me
- rainbowgirl
- This blog is about coping with the strains of chronic illness whilst bringing up two beautiful children; it's also about the stresses of bringing up two children on your own while suffering with a chronic ongoing health problem which is at times very severe.... you can look at it either way. It's about being a single mum; it's about raising awareness of Interstitial Cystitis; it's about helping me cope. Writing this blog is beginning to bring me back to who I really am, who I really always was, before the single motherhood took over full time, before the illness set in.... a writer. I've always written, from essays to stories to journalism. This is the first thing I've written in years. It's helping me regain my confidence. PLEASE DO LEAVE ME COMMENTS AFTER MY POSTS! I'd genuinely love to hear your views on my (sometimes controversial) opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read. It would be great if you could comment so I know that you've been here and what you think.
I'm tired of being my own advocate too. I wish I could hire someone to care about me, and help me cure myself.
ReplyDeleteha! I don't have enough money to pay what it would cost to employ someone to care about me. and they wouldn't even mean it genuinely, would they? have found a great childminder in past 2 weeks though, which helps a little. I think I'd rather be alone than pay someone to pretend to care!! (kinda like emotional prostitution no?)
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon hun; hang in there xx
Me three! I wish someone could just take over and really care and know how to fix this pain! I would be very interested to hear what happens with the swabs, and (if not too much information for you to be comfortable with!) - what was cultured in the swab x
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'm going to put that information on here. it depends what it is. I'm really scared about the results of the urine cultures I had sent off privately. I get those tomorrow. The swab I did at my GP was 'normal'; I'm doing two others to send off for analysis too but it may be that the first was just a random contamination that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, will have to see. too many doctors in the equation right now.
ReplyDelete