last week my children were away for a week, and I let my body do exactly what it needed to do. which, it turned out, was mostly to sleep, rest, eat (and drink the green sludge I'm making myself have twice a day in the hope it 'alkalinises' me), sleep some more, meet up with a few friends for a little while til I got tired, watch films, sleep, have long baths, sleep.... take the painkillers when I need them.... let my body dictate..... you get the idea...
now this week is a different story. the children are home, and full of endless energy, which I refuse to numb just by leaving the TV on the whole time, tempting though that is....
Pre-pubescent Beauty is gearing up for secondary school in a few weeks' time, which involves - in no particular order - obtaining endless items of 'cool' clothing even though I'm broke, stocking up with stationary, school books which she needs, bags, shoes... sewing nametapes on uniform (haven't actually started that one yet)... being proactive on 'playdates' (do they still call them that at 11?) so she'll have some allies when she gets there and also the reassurance she still has good home friends too... having endless conversations about boys, puberty, boys, health, puberty, boys, boys .....
meanwhile my Blue Eyed Boy returned from a ten day stay with his Daddy's family , during which time he seems to have mostly been playing computer games, though he has , apparently, learnt to ride a bike, which I haven't witnessed yet but am sure is true if he says it is true... he has returned feisty and full of beans, and as I reduce the computer games schedule rapidly, replacing it with outdoor play, artwork, lego etc, he says 'I want to go and live with Daddy'. Which hurts. he doesn't means it, and I know it, and he knows it, but boy does he know how to press my buttons. We have one, old , clapped out laptop, and no ipad, and no smartphone even, and definitely no minecraft. ...
It seemed to go something like this last night: 'let me play on my DS for ten hours a day mum or I'll say really hurtful things which will run through your mind in the wee (get it?) small hours when you're trying to creep to the bathroom quietly without waking us'. now obviously I'm not going to let him play on the computer/ screens for more than an hour a day max, and to me that seems loads. what happened to 20 minutes? but things have been so bad with his dad this year, I decided just to let them do what came naturally. which obviously was playstation /xbox/ minecraft.
So. The 3 of us have conflicting needs, and as the mum, I'm the one who has to sacrifice, I'm the one who has to smooth things over and make it all ok. Which I'm doing my best to do. But it's hard. I just want to go back to bed!!!
About Me
- rainbowgirl
- This blog is about coping with the strains of chronic illness whilst bringing up two beautiful children; it's also about the stresses of bringing up two children on your own while suffering with a chronic ongoing health problem which is at times very severe.... you can look at it either way. It's about being a single mum; it's about raising awareness of Interstitial Cystitis; it's about helping me cope. Writing this blog is beginning to bring me back to who I really am, who I really always was, before the single motherhood took over full time, before the illness set in.... a writer. I've always written, from essays to stories to journalism. This is the first thing I've written in years. It's helping me regain my confidence. PLEASE DO LEAVE ME COMMENTS AFTER MY POSTS! I'd genuinely love to hear your views on my (sometimes controversial) opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read. It would be great if you could comment so I know that you've been here and what you think.
have just read this; missed this one somehow. you are inspirational and your strength and humour help me too I have interstitial cystitis too though not so severely as yours is maybe. I think you put into words what lots of us are feeling. have you been on ICN lately? I have not seen you there. where have you been and are you ok?
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