About Me
- rainbowgirl
- This blog is about coping with the strains of chronic illness whilst bringing up two beautiful children; it's also about the stresses of bringing up two children on your own while suffering with a chronic ongoing health problem which is at times very severe.... you can look at it either way. It's about being a single mum; it's about raising awareness of Interstitial Cystitis; it's about helping me cope. Writing this blog is beginning to bring me back to who I really am, who I really always was, before the single motherhood took over full time, before the illness set in.... a writer. I've always written, from essays to stories to journalism. This is the first thing I've written in years. It's helping me regain my confidence. PLEASE DO LEAVE ME COMMENTS AFTER MY POSTS! I'd genuinely love to hear your views on my (sometimes controversial) opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read. It would be great if you could comment so I know that you've been here and what you think.
Thursday 22 May 2014
still here
just an update to say still here; have not felt well enough to write - horrible flare up of symptoms again in the past few days, after some better days last week.... just crawling through the hours really..... such has my life become. loving my children and hanging onto that love... trying to see the flickers of sunlight in the raindrops....
will write when feel more up to it
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Totally understand how u feel...I've "hit the wall" with this horrible illness. I've had it for 14 years and managed until 3 years ago, I'm now unable to work, go out socially or have a life. But I'm lucky to have my husband who helps with the kids (they're not babies anymore, they are 14 and 17) but the guilt of not being a "proper"mum in my mind is overwhelming. Some nights I just wish I wouldn't wake up...my sleeping tablet is my savoir...3 or 4 hours in peace is my only respite. I just pray that somehow the next pain med, antidepressant, installation or whatever torture the docs try will work next time. We can't give up, I try so hard to appreciate the little things but it's hard when your life has shrunk as much as ours has. Keep the faith, I'm thinking of u as I sit on the loo..again!!!
ReplyDeleteshrunk being the operative word. our bladders shrink, our horizons shrink, our borders shrink, our potential shrinks, until I would happily stay in bed all day with a hot water bottle and a book rather than interact with anyone or do anything else. this was not me 2 years ago. when you say 14 years, I feel a mixture of admiration at your bravery and total horror at my possible future. no way can I do that long. just no way. why the hell can't they research it betterxxx
ReplyDeleteas a suggestion I would like to provide an input if I may.. if you ever get 15 minutes to simply sit on a comfy chair.. where you feel relaxed or probably lay on your bed.. whichever suits your comfort.. and when you do go on youtube plug your headphones in and listen to either 432Hz or 528Hz healing frequency music. . try to focus on nothing but listening to the music for those 15 minutes.. no worries about what you'd cook for meal or if the kids are having a nice time or what would they like to do in the evening. . none of those worries.. let the thoughts come and go don't pay attention.. connect with the music for those 15 minutes and the rest of your day should get a bit better as compared to how it is currently. let me know if I could be of any further assistance.
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