my daughter is intoxicated. she would love to do this - and is so flexible and daring, she most probably could and can , if she sets her mind to it.
i drift into my recent dream of flying. i'm at my bedroom window and i want to jump. but not to die. although i might die - i'm not sure. but at that moment, i just jump.
it's the moment, the moment where the fool steps off the cliff in the Tarot, T.S.Eliot's 'awful daring of a moment's surrender, which an age of prudence can never retract', it's in that moment that we are alive.
and in my dream i jumped.
and i flew.
and there was no pain; no anxiety; nothing to organise; nothing to suffer. nothing at all, in fact, except the sun, the birds, the wind, and me.
there was nothing left to feel except a mild exhilaration
and a pure, pure emptiness and peace.
Thank you for visiting my blog. I actually haven't been online lately at all - but I saw that you had left a comment. (In the past, I have been online much more often - but the last few months -- especially this summer -- have been too consumed with illness and a too-busy/draining schedule for me to keep up the pace I had set on my blog the past 5 years).
ReplyDeleteI should add that I firmly believe it's OK for me to take whatever "breaks" I need to from my blog. (Don't ever feel guilty if you need to take a 'blogging break').
So, I'm on a "blogging break" now. However, especially seeing that you are new to blogging... I just wanted to acknowledge your comment in a timely fashion. So this is actually my first blog comment in months. (It's hard to believe I once posted daily blog comments but I've found that with chronic illness it helps to adjust to what's most helpful at a given time - and what I've needed lately was to focus my energy offline).
Anyhow, I hope that you will find writing a blog cathartic. I know I certainly have found this to be true.
As far as connecting with others online (the "how"), I've found that the more I write about the topics that impact me, the more people who can relate to those posts end up finding them. It takes time but it does happen.
Anyway, I'm glad that you were able to find some peace in the dream you mentioned. We need to take peace wherever we can get it, I think! It has definitely taken time for me to find my "peaceful moments"... but I have more (waking) peaceful moments nowadays than I did years ago.
Through trial and error, I have found a combination of ways to maximize the peaceful stuff, make "peace" with the far-from-perfect moments I cannot change, and cope with the challenges/pain/disappointments the best I can as they happen. Having lived with chronic pain for 31 of my 44 years, I can look back and marvel at how much better I cope with adversity now than when I was first diagnosed.
Best wishes on getting relief from pain and finding your own peaceful moments. Hang in there!
Jeanne