has my anger made me ill???

so i remember reading in Louise Hay's 'you can heal your life', when my life didn't really need healing and health was a luxury i took for granted, that cystitis means you are literally 'pissed off' with the world.

i thought this was vaguely funny at the time, just because it is so ridiculously literal.

when you are healthy, you can afford to laugh at things like that.

i was reading the book on behalf of Sleezeball, hoping to help cure him from a chronic ailment and thus earn his undying love and approval (that one didn't work out so well). but a conversation with a friend just now got me thinking: has my anger made me stuck? is my bladder red, raw and swollen because it is, actually, angry?

and if I can forgive this man for what he has done to me, taking away my health, happiness, energy as a mum, vibrancy, social life, enjoyment of my life,  and even more seriously what he has done to my children, taking away the mum who is their rock and reducing me some days to someone who can barely walk up the road and is terminally moody because in so much pain and discomfort... if I can forgive this shit, will i get better?

so how do I begin on the road to forgiveness? where to start?

in my book, there are some things that are simply unforgivable. and to infect someone with a disease which then ruins their immune system, destroys their life and thus their children's lives in the process, and to waltz off into the sunset to look for their next victim. well - that strikes me as one of them.

so - fuck. how can i start to think differently?