So today's experience of acupuncture was not so good, and I've returned home feeling more ill than I did this morning. Somehow have to get through hours and hours of child-related activity before can sleep; have to go to look around a school for PPB; do not know how the hell I am going to manage to do these things. I feel in burning pain, hot, shivery, emotionally drained...
It was partly the travel (drove 30 mins there and 30 mins back to her house, for a discount, which I can't keep doing), partly that my Very Welsh Mother, bless her heart, drove me, which was nice of her but there is always this tension bubbling between us whatever we're doing... and partly the session itself. She seemed to use a million needles and then started reading me a book along the lines of 'You can Heal your Life' - all about affirmations and herbs that are meant to help me - and generally about giving up the 'poor me' attitude in favour of 'taking responsibility'.
It all made me stiffen, flinch, and got me on the defensive; I felt like she was judging me even if she wasn't; and all in all now I feel worse than a few hours ago.......... disappointing hey............. i just wish there was a CURE for this BLOODY DISEASE because I am so SICK of it and of people's opinions about it and of people telling me I can heal my own bloody life, like it's some kind of choice I've made to have a red, raw, bleeding bladder. I do not remember making that choice. And yes I'm angry. Wouldn't you be? So the anger is making me ill..... so it's a vicious circle...... so now what??????????
About Me
- rainbowgirl
- This blog is about coping with the strains of chronic illness whilst bringing up two beautiful children; it's also about the stresses of bringing up two children on your own while suffering with a chronic ongoing health problem which is at times very severe.... you can look at it either way. It's about being a single mum; it's about raising awareness of Interstitial Cystitis; it's about helping me cope. Writing this blog is beginning to bring me back to who I really am, who I really always was, before the single motherhood took over full time, before the illness set in.... a writer. I've always written, from essays to stories to journalism. This is the first thing I've written in years. It's helping me regain my confidence. PLEASE DO LEAVE ME COMMENTS AFTER MY POSTS! I'd genuinely love to hear your views on my (sometimes controversial) opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read. It would be great if you could comment so I know that you've been here and what you think.
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