Describe that exact moment when the pain lets up...even just a few notches...and you get to experience some sense of relief. Be super uber descriptive!
The best experience I have of this is in water. In the bath; or recently in the ocean. The horrible gnawing burning desperate feeling just disappears and I feel like myself again. I need to become a mermaid maybe.
I also take a lot of painkillers. I was on Buphrenorphine and Fentanyl but wondered if they were contributing to hesitancy so switched back to oral painkillers. When I try to stop, or cut down, I am in such bad pain I can hardly move. I am curled up crying with the burning pain of it. This scares the hell out of me. At the moment, I'm using Tramadol and Dihydrocodeine and Diazepam for pain and muscle tightness. So sometimes, the pain gradually lets up this way. But there is no moment. Just a dulling of the intensity.
The water is the best thing. I wish I could just swim and swim and keep on swimming and sometimes like tonight I just feel like giving up. This battle sometimes feels like one that we just cannot win. Why is this happening? Why does nobody understand? How the hell am I supposed to deal with it? Tonight I had to rush my daughter out of the bathroom so I could pee because it was suddenly excrutiatingly painful. This pain disappeared with two Dihydrocodeine, two Valium, a hot water bottle on the sofa, some herbal tea and a hot bath. But I know it will be there in the morning. I want and need to be healed. I just want to know how.
About Me
- rainbowgirl
- This blog is about coping with the strains of chronic illness whilst bringing up two beautiful children; it's also about the stresses of bringing up two children on your own while suffering with a chronic ongoing health problem which is at times very severe.... you can look at it either way. It's about being a single mum; it's about raising awareness of Interstitial Cystitis; it's about helping me cope. Writing this blog is beginning to bring me back to who I really am, who I really always was, before the single motherhood took over full time, before the illness set in.... a writer. I've always written, from essays to stories to journalism. This is the first thing I've written in years. It's helping me regain my confidence. PLEASE DO LEAVE ME COMMENTS AFTER MY POSTS! I'd genuinely love to hear your views on my (sometimes controversial) opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read. It would be great if you could comment so I know that you've been here and what you think.
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